THE SARCHASTOMETER

Owing to radical breakthroughs made by the highly advanced and heavily guarded algorithm developed by the Sarchasm science team, it is now possible to posit as irrefutable, objective and ontological fact many a phenomenon that, prior to the advent of the impregnable machine-learning metrics developed at Sarchasm, existed merely in the murky, decidely unscientific realm of subjective opinion. The Sarchastometer is a an evolutionary leap in quantum-computing deep data analysis which allows results produced by the algorithm to be scientifically correct to the 99.99999th percentile.

A core purpose of The Sarchastometer is to redeem from the dissolute dimension of debate, speculation and conjecture and render as incontestible truth the objective veracity of the innumerable works of singular significance created by the many-splendoured cultures of the world. The Sarchastometer trains its omnipotent Rational Deduction Mechanism upon every realm of art in the age of mechanical reproduction in order to scientifically determine the apex, the nadir and the median of each. As such discoveries are made, they will be shared exclusively in this esteemed publication.