(Unbelievable. Just. Un. Fucking. Believable.)
AS THIS ESTEEMED publication was about to go to press with an excoriating piece of satire entitled ‘Chinese Communist Youth League Publishes Translation Of The Art Of The Deal’ in order to once again mercilessly scythe through the absurd vicissitudes of what is euphemistically referred to as ‘life on Earth’, our meticulous fact-checkers in the bowels of Sarchasm HQ called to say that the Communist Youth League in China had, in actual fact, in 2016 published a translation of Donald Trump’s timeless tome about how to successfully fool the world into believing you’re a big-shot tycoon while blowing daddy’s billions on failed businesses.
Well, that’s it, we’re fucked. We give up. What in the name of ever-living fuck is the Communist Youth League in China doing publishing a translation – let that sink in for a minute: a communist, in China, had to sit down and actually translate this heap of star-spangled horseshit from English to Chinese – of the loudest, proudest, most shamelessly smug battle hymns of unfettered American free-market capitalism the world has ever seen?
I mean, come on, seriously, give us a break here. How are we supposed to make an honest living out of glorying in the moronic inferno that is the unbridled calamity known as humanity when these people are out there doing it with a totally straight face? There they are, those communists, in China, without a shred of irony or bemusement, translating that shitstain of smirking self-adulation from the language of The West, that moral vacuum and ideological wasteland, into the lyrical tongue of the glorious People’s Republic of China. Jesus. Come on guys, give us a break here.
At press time the staff of Sarchasm were spotted in the car park passing around bottles in brown paper bags and shaking their heads dejectedly after receiving the news that Q Anon was hosting an exhibition of the paintings of John Wayne Gacy while The Proud Boys were publishing a new biography of Malcolm X.
