(A gripping scene from “Revenge” or “Avenged or “Vengeance” or something)
IT WAS CALLED Revenge or Avenged or Vengeance or something. “What the fuck is that again?” he mused, staring at the little square in his downloads folder. “I should probably watch the trailer on YouTube before committing,” he thought. Then further thought: “Nah, if I downloaded it must be good. I only download the good stuff because I am an inveterate connoisseur with the most exquisitely refined and discerning taste in cinema.” He then proceeded to endure 128 minutes of vapid sludge which, via the sleek machinations of a vicious psychological cocktail comprised of shame, anger, remorse and denial, he managed to convince himself was “actually pretty good”.
The fact the he is currently watching the trailer on YouTube of another film which just happens to be in the self-same downloads folder might cause one to conclude he is downright lying to himself about Revenge or Avenged or Vengeance or something having been “pretty good” when it sucked donkey balls and, by stubbornly refusing to admit he was wrong in not having taken the two minutes to watch the trailer of Revenge or Avenged or Vengeance or something before utterly squandering his precious hours on earth, he has made himself the living embodiment of autocognitive dissonance; the dictionary definition of a hypocrite by doing one thing while believing another and the epitome of someone paradoxically too proud and pusillanimous to admit to lying to himself.
However his voice would rise in pitch and petulance as he would vehemently label such an accusation wild speculation, insisting his instincts were on song given Revenge or Avenged or Vengeance or something “was actually a fucking brilliant movie” and the current YouTube expedition is a pure coincidence. Asked whether his instantly deleting the folder the moment the credits started rolling after Revenge or Avenged or Vengeance or something didn’t perhaps reflect both his underlying regret over having pissed away two hours watching something he could have spared himself and secret conviction that the film was a pile a of steaming horseshit, he simply replied that no, what it reflected was a lack of hard-drive space and could we please fuck off now?
At the time of going to press he was grimly grinding his way through a three-hour long obscure Polish film with no subtitles he had downloaded by mistake while insisting it was “an absolute masterpiece”.
