(Meta-Feminism’s Magnificent Disguise)
IN A RADICAL volte-face from its centuries-old stature as the epitome of style, sophistication and elegance, luxury lifestyle brand Bulgari has embarked upon an unprecedented trajectory with the introduction of its new male fragrance “So You Caught Me Masturbating”.
The iconic Italian purveyor of classic mens’ colognes such as “Pour Homme”; “Man Wood Essence”; “Man In Black” and the timeless “Man”, has perennially cleaved to the traditional image of a man who is rugged, strong, handsome and utterly irresistible to anyone drawn into his olfactory orbit.
Yet the unveiling of this provocative new perfume signals a dramatic departure from Bulgari’s long-standing celebration of the ur-masculine virtues of virility, vitality and mystery. In a press statement accompanying the release of the fragrance, Bulgari says: “In line with the seismic cultural shifts of the 21st Century, we concluded that it was time to move on from outdated myths of masculinity and embrace reality. Men, too, are human beings with urges of an all-too human kind. We realised that, as a high-profile brand, we carried a social responsibility to embrace this truth in frank and candid fashion.”
Ernesto Patagucci, the company’s marketing director, expanded further: “There exists a subtle yet malign normativism at play when one is deemed a debased degenerate simply for pounding one out. We want to remove the stigma that a naked dude being suddenly surprised while buttering his mielie is shocking. It’s not weird. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s the essence of that moment we capture in this fragrance, which contains a restive blend of serotonin, sandalwood and semen,” he said. “I mean, have you seen the stats?” he continued. “Literally everyone does it all the time. Yet we’re also onanism-shaming all the time. It’s a double standard whose sell-by date has long since passed. This is the fragrance of freeing oneself from this onerous moral relic.”
Asked if this blunt approach did not compromise the brand’s 138-year-old legacy of refinement and gentility, Patagucci replied: “It’s not blunt, it’s honest. What people want to see from a brand today is authenticity. And, as we’re increasingly moving into an age of absolute transparency, it is imperative that we acknowledge this reality in our brand and our products”.
According to insiders, Bulgari has big plans for their entire range. This includes rebranding their iconic “Serpentine Pouch” calf-leather handbag, which retails at around R56 000, to “Contains 100% Fair Trade Cocaine” and the classic “Ellipse” belt, a snip at a mere R7 800, to “Will Probably Be Used In Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation Experiment Gone Horribly Wrong”.
